March 2025 Recap

Month 55 of Incarceration

Hello All,

I hope that this note finds you and yours doing well and finding pockets of peace, in yourselves and in your days. My 55th month of incarceration is in the books and it was no less interesting than all the others. I have updates, observations, and reflections to share. But before we get to those wanderings and wonderings, first things first — gratitude.

Thank you for your birthday wishes. I definitely felt the love and it made a big difference. It is tough to be separated from my loved ones on those days, but at the same time, I did feel celebratory. My celebration was not so much for my advancing age, although I am tremendously grateful to have lived this long, as it was for the passing of another marker on my path home. Every time I get through a holiday or some other milestone, it is a reminder that my incarceration time is finite. If I keep marching past those markers, at some point, there won't be any left. Your love and support powers my march.

There were indicators in March from the world around me and my intuition that I needed to make a shift in how I approach this final phase. I am seeing the chaos in our government that you are, but from an inside vantage point. The trend toward implosion at Thomson and throughout the BOP has accelerated. My hunch is that this will ultimately result in me getting home earlier, but I don't know. And even if that hunch is correct, I don't know what the timeline will be. Messages we're receiving from the staff and outside resources are changing every week.

It also seems clear that resource cuts will result in additional deprivation during my remaining time, but I don't know what that will look like either. The Universe seems to be saying, "Embrace the fact of uncertainty." To do otherwise is tantamount to voluntarily driving myself crazy, so as uncomfortable as it might be at times, I choose to practice letting go.

I also felt a call to refrain from placing pressure on myself by creating an artificial sense of urgency about the items on my positive and productive to do list. I replaced that approach with daily intentional living. By that I mean that I have a lengthy menu of activities to choose from to use my time: reading, writing, correspondence, meditation, substantive conversation, strategic planning, running, fitness, golf, etc. It's easy to fill my days to the point of overflow. I don't need to be manic about it. I just need to choose to apply my attention and effort intentionally each hour of each day. Intentional living will keep me in a perpetual state of homecoming readiness. Whenever they call my number, it will take me 10 minutes to pack and hit the exit door.

This shift changed the quality of my month in a healthy way. I got plenty done, while largely maintaining a state of peace and equanimity as many of the people around me went cuckoo. From the month's happenings, I do have a few updates for you. There was a common thread of opportunities to be of service as I did my thing that added a dash of joy.

I restarted my regular running routine when the weather permitted in the mornings. During the first week a guy named Kevin approached me to ask if I could help him get back into running. He joined me for a couple of weeks before heading home and I gave him a game plan to keep building his mileage when he gets there so that he can run a half-marathon.

I was watching The Players Championship when my buddy Eric asked if I would help him with his swing and teach him more about golf. After his first Saturday lesson, several other guys asked if they could join us. Perhaps a little ad hoc golf academy will form around us as we continue.

My cross-fit partner Dan left for the drug abuse prevention program and I picked up a new guy to take his place. Chris is a few years younger than me and is quite the inspiration. He has lost 60lbs in his 6 months at the camp and is now doggedly testing the capabilities of his new body. Whatever I do, he tries to do. I push harder and he comes along, making incremental progress and experiencing the empowerment that results from finding out that limits only exist in the mind.

And on the subject of the mind, my buddy Anthony and I continue to meditate, with others joining us now and then. Anthony reports on his progress and happily informs me of his newfound ability to maintain his centered detachment from the insanity and negativity of this environment.

Witnessing each of these men stretch themselves and grow is highly rewarding. I am grateful and honored to play my small part to support them. Their evolution motivates me to carry forward with mine.

I expanded my horizons in March as well. Writing haikus became a regular practice, and the deeper I dive into the artform, the more I love it. There is an elegant simplicity to it, but that does not mean that it lacks depth or power. Quite the contrary. I write haikus about running for Lisa, and my dad and I shoot them back and forth via email on various subjects. Here's one for you:

Wish for my people

That they can see as I see

Their magnificence

I also knocked out quite a bit of reading. I have now read 587 books since arriving at Thomson. Favorites for the month were The Dawn of a Mindful Universe, The Case for Christ, The Sirens' Call, So That Others May Live, Radical Forgiveness, To the Linksland, and The Serviceberry. March was a month of thought provocation.

During my incarceration I have developed a practice of observing my surroundings, looking out the window so to speak, to try and notice prompts for my growth. When patterns emerge, I use them to reflect and examine myself, looking in the mirror. Back and forth I go, window, mirror, window, mirror, scribbling in my journal along the way, with books I read providing context and further insights. It is a time and bandwidth consuming practice, but I am fortunate to have the availability, and I'm willing to put forth the effort because I want to come home to you the best possible version of myself that I can achieve.

I used the word 'cuckoo' to describe many of the guys around me and I meant it. I observe the effect that sitting around watching Fox News and MSNBC has on them, and it's not good. The guys who have phones and are on TikTok, X, or Facebook for hours a day are even worse. Their thinking is muddled and their emotions are triggered. Couple the mental and emotional hijacking they are subjecting themselves to with the very real uncertainty that we deal with here, and it's no surprise that they are suffering.

The more I practice living intentionally, the more value I place on my attention. It is a priceless asset, and arguably the only one that I own completely. Recognizing the value, I find myself being much more meticulous about the placement of my attention. In The Siren's Call, Chris Hayes, who in addition to being an author hosts a show on MSNBC that I do not watch, examines the "attention economy" that has taken hold in modern society as the influence of TV and social media have grown. He wrote:

"A public sphere wholly dominated by commercial platforms seeking to maximize the aggregate amount of attention they draw in order to monetize that attention will produce a public that has a difficult time sustaining focus."

He then goes on in great detail to explain how we are being encouraged to trade our attention, not for anything of lasting value, but rather for "...the burbling, insistent ruckus of a deeply unquiet mind" at the individual level, and a deeply dysfunctional discourse at the public level. I see that dynamic around me and it strikes me as a bad trade, especially given that Rupert Murdoch, Mark Zuckerberg, and their ilk are lining their pockets in the process. I'll pass.

So how can I use my attention? There are real problems in the world and I want to make a difference if I can. With this question in mind, I stumbled upon Profiles in Ignorance by satirist Andy Borowitz. I laughed at first as Borowitz illuminated the fumbling and foibles of our elected leaders over the past several decades. As the narrative went on my laughter was replaced with mild depression, the future seeming increasingly bleak. But in the conclusion he rescued my spirit with a call to action delivered at the end of an explanation of the distinction between those who are civically engaged and those who are engaging in "political hobbyism":

"There's a difference between going to a Super Bowl party and playing in the Super Bowl; only those who do the latter affect the outcome of the game...dial back our day-to-day surveillance of national politics, roll up our sleeves, and get to work on the local level. Organize. Register people to vote. Get out the vote. Go to town meetings. And, maybe the most challenging task of all: try to change people's minds, one at a time."

Borowitz got me thinking about my sister. She is engaged. She ran for Chicago City Council. She volunteers as an election official. She isn't just talking about it. She takes action.

Borowitz got me thinking about my friend Patrick. He started an organization named The Trade Collective that connects high school students to opportunities for trade skills training and career development. He saw a problem. It bothered him. He did something about it.

Borowitz got me thinking about my pen pal Michelle, who is fighting for criminal justice reform. She has witnessed injustice first-hand and is advocating tirelessly for change while lifting up incarcerated people with frequent communications.

Borowitz got me thinking of the educators, pastors, volunteers, recovering alcoholics, scholarship funders, public servants, advocates, and countless other good people in my circle who are not just watching the game and yelling at the screen. They are on the field, working to influence the outcome. They, yes you, are my role models. Those are the examples on which I am placing my attention, and my action when I get home will follow accordingly.

Another book, Planet on Fire, written by two British academics, reinforced my belief that, even though the big picture is daunting, positive tipping points are reached by the aggregation of individual efforts. They wrote:

"It is easy to slip into despair, to conclude that 'it's too late' and that some Hollywood-style apocalypse lurks around the corner. It is natural to feel this way, but to think it is to profoundly misread this moment. As Eric Holthaus has written, 'You are alive at just the right moment to change everything.'"

March was a month of chaos and uncertainty, but I can honestly say that through my ongoing practice of intentional placement of my attention and day-to-day living, I came out of it feeling stronger than ever. I have purpose, plans, and positive practices. And best of all, I am a member of a blessed community with you. As the Avett Brothers sang in Salvation Song:

"We came for salvation

We came for family

We came for all that's good

That's how we'll walk away

We came to break the bad

We came to cheer the sad

We came to leave behind the world

A better way"

We are difference makers, and I am honored and grateful to be among you. Onward we go...

Much love to you all,

J