Thanks, Mel

A message of gratitude for modern motivators

My wide-ranging quest for personal development and consciousness expansion often results in interesting bedfellows. East meets West. Reason and faith wrestle. And sometimes, the old school comes face to face with the new. While exploring the philosophical lineage that stretches back to the Stoics, I was handed a current best-seller. It seemed like a worthwhile thought experiment to contrast Michel (de Montaigne) with Mel (Robbins) to find out what they have to teach me.

I must admit that I am predisposed to value a Penguin Classic over a book like The Let Them Theory, which is part of the contemporary zeitgeist of our fickle American culture. But whenever I slip into that snobbish mindset, I remind myself of a particular quote from Herbert Spencer that speaks to the foundational quality of open-mindedness in my spiritual tradition:

"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation."

Leave it to Herbert to take all the fun out of being judgey. And so, I investigated.

What I found was that the central message of The Let Them Theory was not new to me. Robbins’s theory is that we can live more empowered lives if we take our focus off others and control (let them), and place it on ourselves and our own responsibility (let me). Simple, and certainly true. In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Dr. Covey expressed the same concept with his circles of concern and influence. In recovery, we say live and let live. Reinhold Niebuhr encapsulated it in his Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference

Here in prison, we simply say, mind your own business. It’s all the same idea, but the lack of originality does not detract from its power. I’m fortunate that this truth was impressed upon me years ago, and when I am disciplined in my practice of it, Mel Robbins’s promise that life is in every way better squares with my experience.

As I read along, I could feel my mind closing, but she rescued me by explaining that she was building upon ideas that are central to Stoicism, Buddhism, Radical Acceptance, and Detachment Theory. She didn’t create this wisdom, and she doesn’t claim that she did. She is a student and practitioner of it, and is sharing her knowledge and experience. I am on a similar path of discovery, and I respect my fellow travelers. Mel went farther, however, in exhorting her readers to draw upon those who preceded them. She wrote:

“...one of the things I see people get hung up on all the time is this belief that ‘I need to be different.’ That is a fancy way to say you're afraid other people will think you copied them. This is an example of how your fear of what other people think holds you back from following the most obvious, easiest, and most proven path to success. Let them think you copied them. Because you did. And they copied the formula from someone else. Because they did. Formulas exist because they work time and time again. You will make it unique because you will be putting yourself into the formula.”

That last sentence made it evident that the gift of The Let Them Theory for me was not the message Mel was teaching—that was well-worn ground. My personal takeaway was in her example as a teacher, and her encouragement to confidently express what I’ve learned through study and experience. She candidly shared about her own journey:

“I knew I wanted to teach... Looking back, I can see how paralyzed I was with impostor syndrome. What right did I have to call myself an expert in anything? I suppose I was just waiting for some kind of permission to put myself out there. Maybe you're doing that right now. Waiting for the right time. Waiting to feel ready and less afraid. Waiting for someone to come along and tell you that today is the day to start. The problem with waiting is that no one is coming. The only permission you need is your own.”

The fact is that it doesn’t matter if Mel Robbins calls herself an expert, and it matters even less if her critics call her a fraud. She has done a great deal of legwork, and she has a talent for translation and transmission. She mustered up the courage to launch herself into the marketplace, and she received a clear and highly positive determination as to the value of her message. She’s changing lives, as evidenced by the legion of proud owners of Let Them tattoos.

My exposure to The Let Them Theory and Mel Robbins was humbling. I have been seeking growth for 30 years, and I still have plenty of work to do on judgment, among numerous shortcomings. I have been seeking knowledge for all that time, and the primary finding of my search is that the more I learn, the more I realize how much I don’t know. The human experience is infinitely complex, and only a fool shuts out a potential source of insight based on contempt prior to investigation. Mel Robbins reminded me to keep my mind open and pay attention—because every person is a teacher, every encounter a lesson. Often, what I am meant to learn is far afield from my expectations—and luckily so.

Would we all be better off if we spent more time with the likes of Montaigne? Perhaps. But that doesn’t diminish the benefit of letting modern motivators, thinkers, and seekers act as our mediators. To the extent that their work makes impactful wisdom more accessible in the modern context, they occupy a place of importance in the lineage I’m studying. Books by Jen Sincero, Oliver Burkeman, Ryan Holiday, James Clear, Simon Sinek, Robin Sharma, Grant Cardone, and now Mel Robbins delivered me multi-faceted value. Not only did I learn from what they teach, but through questions raised and additional resources cited, they invite me to dig deeper, engage in introspection, and interrogate ideas. Through their example, they push me to pass along what I manage to unearth. They remind me that the search for wisdom is its own reward, and that the life spent applying wisdom in pursuit of purpose and dreams is the life that’s worth living.